Minds and Hearts
Karla Calderon a school teacher and writer in her article Minds and Hearts, establishes “Education provides knowledge that opens doors for the future and promises happiness and success”. After analyzing her arguments, I can tell the article is too vague because it just refers to the general idea of education and the ideal of to be a teacher. However, through specific examples the writer shows the positive effects of education on people.
In developing her ideal of education, Calderon support her statement though her experiences of life and advisers that she received by her father. In addition Calderon underlines the advantages of education on people lives. The writer intends to show a perfect pattern of good teachers but she doesn’t mention how to do it.
On the other hand the structure of the article is a mess, disorganization is in everywhere. The first paragraph starts with a definition of an ideal teacher; nevertheless, there is no any support of experts related to education. After the definition the second paragraph is about the purpose of education and specific examples. The order of the elements of the article produces that the reader gets lost easily. Consequently the reader cannot appreciate the important message that
Acevedo 2
Calderon is trying to express that Education and teachers must develop life skill in students in order to make conscious them about their lives.
The disorganization in the article makes reader gets confuse about the real message of the article. It is difficult to identify the main purpose of Calderon’s article. Maybe is education as a solution for society problems or maybe Calderon is focus on the teachers’ job in the classroom or the teacher as a supportive person in students’ lives.
In contrast the third paragraph which refers to Calderon’s experience of life with her father who always says “power is knowledge” it is a strong argument. However her father is not an expert of education but her own story related to her own past shows how sensitive is Calderon to the importance of education and the reader feels closer to the article.
Furthermore, the writer identifies the main elements of education and she underlines the importance of trust in the relationship between teacher and student. Trust is fundamental for students because a teacher who does not believe or trust on her or his students the students probably will fail. On the other hand if a teacher trusts in her or his students, they will feel self-confidence in their students’ performance because the teacher is there to support and guide them. In addition to states the importance of the relationship between teacher-student demonstrated that Calderon is really involved in education.
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Minds and Hearts
*School teacher and writer* Karla Calderon,* in her article Minds and Hearts,P establishes *that* “Education provides knowledge that opens doors for the future and promises happiness and success”. P ((why don't you paraphrase her thesis? I don't see a reason to quote her here.)) After analyzing her arguments, I can tell the article is too vague because it just refers to the general idea of education and the ideal of *being* a teacher. ((Your language is a bit informal here. Also, your critique itself seems vague. What do you mean by "it refers to the general idea of education"? What should she have done differently?)) However, through specific examples,* the writer shows the positive effects of education on people.
In developing her ideal of education, Calderon support C her statement though her experiences of life WE and advisers WW that she received by her father. In addition P Calderon underlines the advantages of education on people WF lives. The writer intends to show a perfect pattern of good teachers but SS she doesn’t mention how to do it.
On the other hand the structure of the article is a mess, ((informal)) *and highly disorganized*. The first paragraph starts with a definition of an ideal teacher; nevertheless, there is no (any) support of experts related to education. After *this* definition the second paragraph is about the purpose of education and specific examples ((of what?)). The order of the elements of the article *leads* the reader *to become* lost easily WO. Consequently the reader cannot appreciate the important message that
Acevedo 2
Calderon is trying to express P that Education L and teachers must develop life skill S/P in students in order to make conscious them WO about their lives.
The disorganization in the article makes reader gets confuse about the real message of the article. ((This seems repetitive here--why don't you integrate it into the paragraph above?)) It is difficult to identify the main purpose of Calderon’s article;* it is perhaps* education as a solution for society WF problems, or maybe Calderon is focus WF on the teachers’ job in the classroom or the teacher as a supportive person in students’ lives.
In contrast ((to what?)) the third paragraph which refers to Calderon’s experience of life with her father who always says “power is knowledge” it is a strong argument. However her father is not an expert of education but her own story related to her own past shows how sensitive is Calderon to the importance of education and the reader feels closer to the article.
Furthermore, the writer identifies the main elements of education and she underlines the importance of trust in the relationship between teacher and student. Trust is fundamental for students because a teacher who does not believe or trust on her or his students the students probably will fail. On the other hand if a teacher trusts in her or his students, they will feel self-confidence in their students’ performance because the teacher is there to support and guide them. In addition to ?M states the importance of the relationship between teacher-student demonstrated that Calderon is really involved in education.
This last paragraph really needs to be reworked, so I haven't made grammatical corrections to it. You seem to have two main arguments: that the text is disorganized and that it is based on subjective rather than research-driven material. Great. Those are good critiques. You need to organize your own essay a bit more clearly to communicate them successfully. Before the first body paragraph, give us some brief summary. Then organize a paragraph about disorganization, followed by another paragraph on her reliance on life experiences. You should have a final concluding paragraph that sums it all up for us rather than one, long paragraph that is still explaining your critique.
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